The Mosaic.

I haven't been on recently, because I have had a lot on my mind, I still do. I also have become blank when trying to think of something to write. Which is really weird for me, seeing as my mind is constantly running. I can't help but think of the universe and time itself. Of how it could of been or what it is going to be like, of how much things are going to change... How much I am going to change. Things are getting complicated and very confusing. I don't really know what is going on anymore. I wish people could only understand me, so I wouldn't have to try so hard to understand myself. My head is so fuzzy, it feels like my mind is so void. I'm living my life in an eternal time-lapse, and it's difficult. It's taken me over a week to write this, because I don't know if I have anything worth telling anymore. I didn't want this page to be depressing and negative, I was trying to steer away from that. Then I realized that if I want this blog to be real, I would have to write what was really going on. I don't want to make me sound like I have got it all down, because then I would be a hypocrite and fake. So, being the real me, means sharing who I really am; which is depressing and negative. I want to say I am not always like this, but then that would be a lie. But I am not always a complete downer. I try to give the people I love my best effort, because no one needs to be friends with negativity. I've come to terms that who I want to be is going to make a lot of people unhappy with me. I do not do the things I do to hurt my loved ones intentionally, but I am selfish I suppose. I've been called selfish by numerous people, It always hurt me.. but now when the term is thrown at me I do not even flinch. All the things that have been said to me just soak through my skin and sit inside. I do not hold grudges, but I do remember.. I remember everything. A lot of it is because I egg people on, I want them to tell me what they're really thinking. I want them to tell me what I see with my own eyes. I like to close my eyes and dream of what my life would be if certain things didn't happen. I also dream of what could happen. I like to think about other worlds and things that are only written in fiction. Something that wouldn't make this world so bland.  Thinking those things seem to get me in trouble though. Everyone is disappointed in me right now, wishing I was better than their expectations. I will never be able to live up to theirs, let alone my. They always tell me I'm a smart girl, but if they could read my mind they wouldn't think that at all. I think that's why no boy will every be interested in me, I come with to much baggage. I am broken into to many pieces for them to fix. It is as though I've become a mosaic, tons of jagged and uneven pieces stuck together in one body. The picture that was meant to be made is all wrong, nothing but colors mended together. -Andrea

Song of the day: Can't Help Falling In Love- Ingrid Michaelson cover.